I think I’m going to have to set the story on this one and tell you how we ended up here. Phil and I sold another couch that we had in our family room, to make room for a more comfortable and useable one. Once it sold (in less than 1 day on Craigslist) I started searching around online.
I kind of had an idea in my mind of what type of couch would work for us so I started searching on the internet. I found several different websites that carried the couch we wanted, one of which happened to be a 2 hr drive from us in North Carolina. Hooray – perfect scenario, we figured. We’d get to look at it in person before committing to our cheapo couch. So that Saturday we packed ourselves into the truck (in case they had it in stock – we’d be able to bring it home with us) and off we went to Lexington, NC. Off to the Smart Buy Furniture Discount Center.
Two hours later we pulled up and our collective jaws dropped open. Finn’s too I think. This is what we saw.
Smart Buy Furniture Discount Center
This can’t be it I said. We looked at our google map and then up again at the address on the building and yes, this was it. Oh crap. We just wasted 2 hours in the car with a 2 yr old, on a Saturday no less. But then we figured, OK we’re here, let’s at least go in and maybe we’ll be surprised. LOL….yes, we were definitely surprised. I’d never seen anything like this before in my life. I only wish I had taken a pic because my written description most definitely will not be enough to paint an accurate picture in your head.
Picture an old gas station, circa 1875, that had been transformed into a brothel, and then a bingo hall, and then maybe an orphanage, before being transformed into a discount furniture store. On top of that, picture a building that hasn’t had any physical renovations done to it since 1875. I think they removed the gas pumps, moved in the prostitutes, then moved them out and brought in the bingo hall tables. When that era ended they moved those out and brought in the beds for the orphanage. And now, here we are 135 years later and it’s the same building, that looks like it’s about to collapse in on itself, but it’s stuffed with furniture. And when I say it was about to collapse, I mean…its…about…to…collapse. The beadboard walls were rotting in sections…the tin ceiling had more water stains that not, and the floor was a distressingly old commercial grade blue carpet. Uck.
After a quick visual scan around the 400 sf room we realize that there is not one single couch that we’d be interested in. We also realize that we’re taking our lives in our hands by being in this building. So I approach the salesman behind the desk and show him the printout that I had brought with me. He says that yes, they do indeed have that couch but it’s in the showroom down the street. The showroom!!! Hooray, there’s a showroom! We bundle ourselves back into the truck and head down the street. Upon arrival however, we find an open sign in the window, but a sign on the door that reads:
Seriously?
Hmmmm…I pick up the phone and call the number. Someone picks up the phone, doesn’t say anything and starts carrying on a conversation with someone who seems to be standing next to them. Hmmm…..After listening to the person on the other end of the phone for several minutes I finally give up and hang up the phone.
After waiting about 5 more minutes someone finally shows up to open the door. Finally. In we go. We browsed around for about 30 minutes, find the couch we want, pick the fabric, pay for it and off we go. The salesman tells us that it should be ready to pick up in approximately 2-3 weeks. Okey dokey.
About 12 days later we get a call saying that our couch is ready to pick up. Here’s where the story starts to get even weirder. We show up first thing on Saturday morning, at 9:30. We walk in to the building that’s falling down and whip out our paperwork to show the fella at the desk. As he’s checking our paperwork I start looking around and nearly fall over dead when I see a bloody, severed foot sticking out from under the desk. Ahhh!!!! Very funny guys.
Next he tells us that we need to follow him across the street to the warehouse. Here’s the dirt road that we drive down.
Are we being punk'd?
We drive up to a warehouse door. I’m starting to feel like I should call someone and tell them where we are, just in case we’re never seen again. I can feel my armpits starting to get sweaty. Maybe this isn’t a good idea after all. Please don’t kill us, please don’t kill us.
Warehouse, or dungeon?
Next, the guy loads our couch into the back of the truck and tells us we need to drive back to the side door of the original building. Really? Why? So that the other salesperson can make sure we have the right couch. Hmmm….okay, whatever. We drive up to the side door, this is what we see:
Side door
Oh boy. The guy comes out a second later, checks our couch and says we’re good to go. We both breathe a collective sigh of relief and drive off. Alive. With a new couch.
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I have read stories about how it is down south. They could have killed you and eaten you. AND FINN! Now you know why I carry a gun!